I am trying to end my life of singledom. This has involved opening and closing online dating profiles on many sites, messaging a lot of guys and waiting for responses but never receiving them, and getting message notices and then being depressed at the message that is awaiting me.
I receive very few messages worth reading, but I receive a lot that make me contemplate entering a nunnery. I'm convinced that most of the guys that message me believe that I'm hard up and will take the first offer. So, I'm going to share the worst messages.
While reading, you need to remember than many of these guys are not in Berlin - or Germany - or Europe. They are also ALL completely unviable as partners, friends or penpals. And not just to me - you would reject them as well. Some have a 30% match rating. Many have clearly not even read my profile.
While reading, you need to remember than many of these guys are not in Berlin - or Germany - or Europe. They are also ALL completely unviable as partners, friends or penpals. And not just to me - you would reject them as well. Some have a 30% match rating. Many have clearly not even read my profile.
So, lean back and prepare to get depressed at my prospects. These are all first messages. I haven't included anything that got depressing at message two or ten.
21.-)
20 hi princess
19 Hello pretty, how are you?
18 hi I'm toni
Those were all just too boring for words. I wouldn't even respond to Bradley Cooper if he messaged me like that. Okay, maybe I would, but I would hate myself for doing so.
17 hi .. desire for an attractive man:) am 189 big blue eyes, dark hair, :)
This guy needed to describe himself because he didn't have a picture. As if I'm going to take his word that he's an attractive man. Because he's just too beautiful to post a picture.
16 Hi pretty girl
I would love to hear you say "yes"
This guy's a Canadian in Berlin, so I called him out as he should know better. And then he asked why I sexualized what he said. NO - he sexualized what I said.
15 Hello dearie,
How are you chilling today?,... well, just flipped through your profile it seems we both have the same attributes, so I decided to make myself known to you. Without wasting time, I will like to know if I'm right in time to extend my hand of friendship to a special one like you, yo don't need to be perfect to meet my heart desire... My heart desire is simple; seeking for the right one, not to bore you with too much talks I will like if we could exchange mails apart from this platform
Your Admirer,
Thanks!
This guy is well over 40 and lives in Alaska. Because that's what I'm looking for when I say "near me".
14 Hallo ,am interested,will like us to chat so as to know each other.
13 hello!how are you honest girl????can i know you more if you want nice girl...plz???i hope to be good and funny...take care pretty girl
12 You look good.
How are you doing?
11 hi - your immensely immaculate & enigmatic smile,charming looks coupled with your candid profile has fascinated me and this fascination has coaxed me to ask this decent lady with all candidness at my command---can we be acquainted ?
10 that smile has an innocence of a child and that face has the sweet freshness of a rose.so,can i have a little bit of SUNSHINE called YOU?
Can you believe this is the same guy as #11? Two months apart. Because I'm now so much more desperate that I'll actually respond.
9 I can read your mind!
Yes, I can, and just to prove it, I will tell you what you are thinking about right now:
"He can read my mind? hmmm, let me open this email and see what he means by that!"
See? told you! lol!
You also can learn how to read my mind, look deep in my eyes, really deeeeep, now you will hear my thoughts:
"She has a nice smile , open, awesome and selective! (or at least she says so), I will say Hi to her, and see what happens next "
See? pretty easy :)
Hi !
8 Your smile makes my heart blossom, that's why here and now, so I
thought I send lovely greetings to you :-)
7 Hey, whats up?
I don't think we would fit very well together, but your profile looks interesting.
Looks like you have been hurt before, I don't wanna do so and which you the best of luck.
And do it, meet in person! I just did and its great.
I visited this guy twice - a day apart. The second time was mostly to remind myself why I didn't message him the first time. He rejected me proactively. That's a fail. And why did it look like I'd been hurt? Because I asked for non-douches to message me and said I liked actually meeting in person. This guy was a winner.
6 Hey who are you beautiful? I just noticed that you're very adventurous, so I would not be averse! grin
This was before I knew what adventure meant to the Germans (a one night stand). The issue is that he's not averse to an adventure. That's not exactly a ringing endorsement for me. He'll sleep with me, but only because he's bored and I'm apparently willing.
5 (google translate) Hi, what beautiful eyes. I like women with curves.
I write the beginning first in general, if interested, it will be more personal.
I am looking for sooner or later, real contacts, which results from it then so we'll see. Even if you look at each other sensually (!) The single time try, that's ok and if we were just talking and just time to get to know too ..
Single period need not yet mean a life in the monastery as :-) Everything can not be! I also like good conversation but also, of course, have both sexual and other normal varied interests. Sometimes even the great relationship or a really great friendship out of it, often when you least expect it the same :-)
I know I have curves. I know he knows I have curves. It shouldn't be mentioned it in a message. Just like I won't mention if he's short, old, or balding. By this point 'adventure' was unchecked, so he really should not have mentioned sexuality and sensuality in a first message. Also, in general, mentioning anything - even positive - about my physical appearance means I won't respond.
4 How come you are single :( , Isn't it boring ? ;)
3 hello, If you like to say Yes so much, how come you are not married yet? :) Maybe it sounds stupid, but it was the first thing coming to mind. I am not so familiar with the dating scene in Berlin...but is it really worse than anywhere else?
You know what's nice? Being reminded that I'm single, and alone, and not marriageable. Thanks.
2 i have a question to do.
maybe a hard question.
may i do it to you?
1 nice squirt all over the face and breasts ...
I have no words.
